To look at my upbringing it looked perfect. A good education, a beautiful home, modest Summer holiday each year and church and roast every Sunday.  My internal world however was stifled and body shame crept in in my early teens. I was the black sheep - always feeling different but rather than shining with this difference I felt not enough. There is no blame for my beautiful family here at all. In fact for many years I wondered why I felt so not ok when I had been blessed with such a secure childhood. At 16 however I started to deprive myself with food. As the youngest of five my world had changed as my siblings had all left home and I felt alone. Not eating became the one thing I could control and there began my journey with disordered eating. I had a poster in my room that said YOU ARE FAT and for many years of my life, my worth was based on my size.

My independence at 18 and travelling overseas brought me home to more regular eating - and I thought at the time I was better. As the years went on I discovered my relationship with food was in parallel with my relationship with my stress levels and my emotional well-being. My pattern became when things got hard I got skinny ( too skinny !) - it was a hook of control for me and I had a false sense of security feeling good in my skin.

Fast forward to my forties when life presented challenges beyond my existing coping mechanisms I began my healing journey. I started with studying holistic counselling and meditation and here my world changed. Learning and diving deep into limiting beliefs, subconscious programming, the science of belief and my inner dialogue, I started the beautiful, insightful and liberating journey of understanding myself physiologically and and why I was how I was. I began to live consciously and to rewrite my script. I am enough. I am unconditionally lovable. I am worthy. And so it goes on. I started the road of believing in myself.

As I was healing my emotions so the journey of my food healing began. It was a windy road and took me to the largest size I'd ever been - as once I had released the urge for deprivation and restriction when in turmoil and embraced food freedom, the pendulum subtly  swung to the other side and comfort eating began. The comfort eating was healthy food but the why I was eating was often not hunger. I had not learned to listen to the wisdom of my body. It took mindfulness  and curiosity for me to tune in to my body and emotions and ask why am I eating? My peace came with listening to my body, learning the power of pause and body consciousness, soul searching and finding other ways to comfort and feel good.

During all this time in the background food was becoming my friend. My daughter Saffron was allergic to dairy, eggs and nuts and Bella my eldest daughter intolerant to gluten. And this was before the food 'industry' had latched on to vegan food and so before convenience vegan was a thing. At the time it was a challenge, yet in hindsight my greatest gift. I learned to cook completely from source and I fell in love with food. Now I completely love food - real, whole food and my relationship with it is with ease and grace. In fact I’d go so far to say it is passionate as I understand its vitality and its role in our health and wellbeing. I feel so grateful to have released all the shame, the deprivation, the longing, the restriction and the judgment, and I’m passionate to help you.